Every married couple experiences challenges. It's sometimes difficult to really adjust to married life. Dating wasn't necessarily easy; but keeping the relationship alive was. Marriage is thought to be so different than dating. Marriage increases the expectation of your spouse. And because of that, disappointment comes quicker. Every married person has an image of what the expect from marriage. The problem is that they fail to thoroughly express the expectation to their partner. And that's where the division starts.
Marriage is not like a business arrangement. Marriage is based on love: to truly attempt to benefit your spouse at your own expense. But in far too many marriages, true love just is not there. For most married couples, their love is conditional. The husband will supply his wife with all her needs and desires, to the degree that she supplies his needs and desires. Few people actually consider the promise they made when they said "I do".
You know, for better or worse. For richer or poorer. Sickness and in health. Marriage is no joke. You pledged your life to your spouse. Be honest and ask have you sought to benefit your spouse at your expense; or is your love conditional? Conditional love cannot help you to save your marriage. The love that sees your spouse for exactly who and what they are and love them anyway will only do that. And that's the first step. Do you love your spouse unconditionally or conditionally?
Things will never get better in your marriage until you demonstrate love to your spouse the way they need to receive. Personally, I like receiving gifts. My wife giving me gifts shows me she loves me. So guess what? I buy my wife gifts and in the past have gotten discouraged when she didn't respond as I thought she should have. She doesn't receive love the same way. For her, she feels love when I talk to her, touch her, clean the house or fix whatever just broke. When I do those things, she responds the way I desire.
Exercise: Sit down with your spouse and have them tell you what activities or behaviors you can do to make them feel loved by you. Next, express the things your spouse can do to show you that they love you. Depending on how bad your marriage has gotten, that may be kind of difficult. However commit to doing it anyway.
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